For many of us relationships serve as the very foundation of our lives. You build your home, your daily routine, your parenting and your very identity around your relationship. Relationships, even unhappy ones, give your life a sense of predictability and meaning.
An affair can rob you of that sense of certainty. All of a sudden, all that seemed true is thrown into question.
Does s/he really love me?
How could s/he have betrayed my trust?
Did I really marry the person I thought I did?
Am I attractive enough?
Am I good in bed?
Is there something wrong with me?
Is there something wrong with him/her?
Should I leave? Should I kick him/her out?
Oh my god, what are we going to do about the kids?
I love you so much, how could you do this?
Are you going to leave me? I love you, you're my whole life.
I hate you, get out now!
And the emotions of the partner who had the affair are oftentimes just as confusing or conflicted. Their feelings may lurch from guilt and fear to impatience with never knowing what type of mood their partner is going to be in to tremendous sadness to resentment and anger over constant questioning to wanting to run away with the marital affair partner to escape.
The Secret to Staying Together After an Affair
The good news is that your feelings about the affair won't last forever (hard as that might be to believe right now). The rollercoaster of emotions that both of you are on is just your minds way of trying to make sense of something so shocking.
In fact, the majority of couples who experience an affair remain together. The strongest predictor of success is what you say and how and when you say it. Research has shown that if you talk about the affair in the right way you are roughly 60% more likely to stay together than if you don't talk or talk very little.
I've spent 25 plus years studying and developing a systematic approach to help you recover from a marital affair in the right way. My program can help you to avoid all the pitfalls that have led others to divorce or stay in an unhappy marriage.
My marital affair recovery program can be broken down into 3 stages:
Why Such a Strong Emphasis on Rebuilding the Relationship?
My immediate goal is to help you to recover from the affair, but the ultimate goal of my system is to help you recover your marriage.
Research has shown that the number one reason both men and women report themselves to have affairs is because of a loss of intimacy or connection in their marriage. Despite everything you may have heard, most people don't have affairs for sex but to regain that sense of closeness or connection with someone.
You might be able to get over the shock of the affair, but unless you relearn how to trust and become intimate with each other you most likely will end up with a shell of a relationship, sharing the same roof but not the same lives.
Because of this, I have developed a step by step process based on scientific research and my 25 plus years of experience of working with couples in distress that will provide you with some very simple tools to help you to have the relationship you have always dreamed of.
My Affair Recovery Program can help you:
Stop the roller coaster of emotions that occur when a marital affair is uncovered
Talk through the details of the affair without destroying your relationship
Stop the power struggle
Learn to communicate in ways you never have before
Discover what is missing in your relationship and how to get it
Learn to forgive
Restore love and connection in your marriage
Take some time and look around my site. It will help you to understand how my affair recovery program works, learn about the different types of affairs, how to recognize the signs that a partner may be having an affair and much more.
Please feel free to contact me at 301.657.1144 to schedule an appointment or to find out more about my practice.
There are no sure warning signs of infidelity. All the warning signs listed below may be due to any number of reasons.
However, they do provide some useful clues if you are feeling suspicious
There are as many types of affairs as there are couples who are involved in them. While each is unique and needs to be treated as such there are some broad similarities across many affairs. Here are some brief descriptions of the types of affairs I’ve seen over the years.
1) Bury your head in the sand and act as if nothing has happened. The problem with this approach is that you never deal
Research has shown that your chances of not only surviving an affair, but using it as a catalyst to a better relationship are 60% greater if you talk about it at the right time and in the right way.