Couples Counseling in Bethesda, MD
Maybe you keep having the same argument. Maybe you’ve stopped arguing because it never seems to get you anywhere. You still care about each other, but being together has become harder than either of you expected.
Couples counseling can help you understand what keeps going wrong and work out what you can do differently.
AS SEEN IN
“Our task now is not to fix the blame for the past, but to fix the course for the future.”
— John F. Kennedy
Working Through It Together
Relationships are hard. You go into it thinking you’re on the same team, ready for whatever comes. Then life gets complicated — kids, finances, work, the slow drift that happens when life gets busy — and somewhere along the way you start feeling more like business partners or strangers passing in the night than lovers.
I’ve spent well over ten thousand hours working with couples and have extensive training in the Gottman Method, Imago Relationship Therapy, and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). I draw on all three, depending on what you need. We’ll look at how you handle conflict, what each of you brings to the relationship, and what helps you feel close—or makes it hard to.
How I Work
Warm but direct
I’ll ask both of you hard questions. Not to take sides — to get to what’s actually going on underneath the argument you keep having.
Insight meets action
Understanding the pattern is only half of it. We’ll work on changing it — not just in the room, but in your life together outside of it.
Laughter is allowed
Conversations in couples therapy can be difficult, but they don’t have to be solemn every minute. There’s room for humor, too.
What to Expect in Couples Counseling
In the first session, I’ll want to hear from both of you: what brought you in, how you each understand the problem, and what you’d like to be different. You don’t have to agree about what’s wrong, and it’s okay if one of you is more interested in being there than the other.
You’ll both have a chance to be heard
Often you’ve tried to explain yourself many times and can’t understand why your partner doesn’t get it. We’ll look at what you’re trying to say, what your partner actually hears and figure out where the misunderstanding lies.
I’ll be involved in the conversation
I won’t just sit back and watch you have the same argument you have at home. If the conversation starts going that way I’ll step in. We may slow down a particular exchange to understand what happened, where it went wrong and how you can handle it another way.
We’ll work on the problems you’re living with
That might mean finding a fairer way to divide responsibilities, talking about sex, or figuring out how to disagree without the evening falling apart. Understanding the pattern matters, but so does being able to do something different when you get home.
We’ll keep track of what’s changing
We’ll talk about whether or not couples therapy is helping and where you’re still getting stuck. Are arguments getting less destructive? Can you bring something up without dreading the response? Do you feel closer? What matters is whether your relationship is getting better in ways you both care about.
Has There Been an Infidelity?
Affair recovery is its own kind of work — more intensive, more specific, and with a different set of challenges than most couples counseling. If that’s what you’re dealing with, I have a separate page that addresses it directly.
A Free Resource
If you’re not sure whether couples counseling is right for you, this might help. My free report — Is There Really Hope for Us? The Secret Ingredient that Can Heal Your Relationship — answers some of the questions couples most often ask before they pick up the phone.
More on Couples Counseling
What Clients Say
“My partner and I found Dr. James to be very empathetic but also firm and insightful in helping us identify and address our issues. In acting as an objective yet caring mediator, he guided us effectively through the practical steps and emotional honesty required to rebuild our relationship. Being willing to work on salvaging a relationship is the first step, but having the right counselor to help is critical. I would definitely recommend Dr. James.”
“Not only is he very knowledgeable, but also a very smart and attentive listener who suggests several solutions to the problems.”
“Dr. Joe genuinely and compassionately listens, asks apt questions to illuminate issues and help resolve difficult situations. Flexible hours and quick response time.”